The day my world turned upside down. No one ever really knows how it feels to lose a parent until it actually happens to you. I lost my dear father on this day, 10:06:14.
It’s a surreal situation where you know his gone but there is that little bit of denial, that tells you he just went out for a bit and that he is coming back and then you quickly realize he is never going to come back, and then you feel sad all over again because you miss him already.
You feel an unimaginable amount of loss and emptiness in your heart. A huge amount of guilt because maybe you should have just gone to visit when you said you would, or told him more that you loved him, or hugged him a little longer. I look at pictures and messages of him now and always regret not saying that I love him every single time I sent him a message.
Sadness for your mother who lost her husband she had been with for over 40 years. You can see when you look at her that she is thinking what is she possibly going to do now, without him.
I worry about her now, so heartbroken, May Allah grant her patience in her heart and allow her to heal with ease Insha Allah.
I choose to speak about him every chance I get because I don’t want to forget little things like his voice, laughter or smell and it helps me think about him all the time because when I do I always say a little prayer for him. It’s still so fresh though, the hurt, hopefully someday it will heal but I will never forget him, and I will ensure that my children will never forget him either.
I haven’t cried much since he died but I choose to remember him when he was alive and with us, knowing he loved his family so much rather than the sadness his death brings to our family.
May Allah grant my father Jannah tul Firdous and make his Qabr light for him Insha Allah.